pause and praise
On a Sunday afternoon, a day that I would not usually work on. I was called and asked to do the most beautiful photography job I would ever do. I hesitated to take the call, as Sunday was my one designated day to be my “off day.” But, something told me this call was worth-taking. I took the call and was asked to photograph and document a birth. But not just any birth, Selah’s birth. I said yes, without hesitation, even though I had never photographed something like this. I knew the second I was asked, that I was meant to be in that delivery room. From the beginning, this was Jesus’ plan. And after we hung up from that call, I paused, and I praised him for allowing me to be used in this way, for Him.
When I took this call, and took this “job,” I had very vague knowledge of the situation I was going into. I knew that the time I would be photographing would be precious time, as Selah’s parents did not have any absolutes about the duration of her time on Earth, with them. After seeing countless doctors, and being at at least 3 hospitals, they still had no real answers.
At Selah’s 20 week gestation anatomy scan, it was revealed that Selah was missing vital organs as well as her arms and legs. There was no proper diagnosis, as her conditions weren’t exactly consistent with any already known syndrome. MRI, after MRI and still, no answers. Some testing and imaging showed chance of survival, some did not. No cause, no reason, just a lot of questions left unanswered. One doctor’s visit there was hope, the next, there wasn’t. All the hospitals, all the doctors, all had the same unhelpful answer:
“Will she make it full term?” “We can’t be absolutely sure.”
“If she does make it full term, how long will she have after delivery?” “We can’t be absolutely sure.”
“She has micrognathia, will she be able to process fluid or swallow?” “We can’t be absolutely sure.”
“Will the post-birth surgery being offered be a one-time fix?” “If it worked at all, this would be her first of many surgeries throughout her life, the amount of surgeries she would have to have, we can’t be absolutely sure.”
The only consecutive recommendation they were offered was termination of the pregnancy.
Amanda and Dustin, Selah’s parents, prayed for clarity on what to do, and what decisions to make. Selah’s grandparents, aunts, uncles, and their church family were all praying for some sort of ease on Amanda and Dustin’s mind, knowing that this type of comfort, could only come from Him.
Amanda and Dustin ultimately decided “to put her life’s ending completely in God’s hands…” Amanda would carry her baby to full term, if God allowed it. She would deliver her baby and hold her, if God allowed it. She would see her eyes, and hear her cry, if God allowed it.
They decided that “she was made how she was supposed to be made.” After all the heartbreak, and questions, they finally had peace after realizing that there was “never any uncertainty in knowing that she was His and in His hands.” I asked Amanda how she knew she was making the right decision, and she said she didn’t but;
“God knew, and for the first time in my life that had to be completely enough. He gave me peace when there was absolutely no answers or no peace coming from anywhere else.”
I only recently learned all of the details behind Selah’s story and her unknown diagnoses. The day that I photographed her birth, all I needed to know was that they had decided to place all of their uncertainties in the hands of Jesus, and that meant leaving Selah, completely in his hands as well. No medical intervention, only divine. It was my job to capture her entering this world and any moments they’d have with her, if any.
I planned to arrive in Morgantown, WV on a Wednesday evening to be there and be ready for when Selah made her arrival. On the way to Morgantown, Jesus painted the sky more beautiful than he ever had. I pulled over on the side of the highway to capture a photo, and simultaneously, the induction process started for Selah’s mama to begin laboring. Again, I paused and praised, for reminding me to stop and take a breath and realize that He was in control. Which was just what I needed, while I thought about how Selah’s birth would affect the lives of all those that loved her.
I checked into the hotel and was immediately greeted with a hug and love from Selah’s maternal grandfather. Which was followed by love from the rest of her family. I got in my room, I paused and I praised. Because even while waiting in the worst of the unknown, I knew this family would show me nothing but love, and allow me to witness the greatest testimony of my life. I was supposed to be here.
Later that night, I was able to visit with Amanda and Dustin, Selah’s parents. Amanda was a light in this darkness, and Dustin was calm in this storm. They had peace that only Jesus can give you in a time such as this.
I was on call all night on Wednesday, I woke up on Thursday at about 8am, scared to death I had missed the call. I checked my phone, and nothing. Selah was still so comfortable inside her mama. I got up, and by 10am was at the hospital, as now, Amanda’s water had been broken. I walked into the hospital, and again, I paused and I praised, as I knew she would make her arrival, in His timing. Time felt like it stood still for Amanda, who was trying her hardest to bring her sweet babe into the world. Selah had one more aunt coming to meet her, that couldn’t be there until after her 12:00pm class. At around 1:00pm, her aunt arrived.
She was waiting for her whole family.
At 1:24pm I got a call to be on standby outside of Amanda’s door. I then could hear Amanda, laboring, unmedicated, pleading to meet her daughter. I paused, and I praised. I asked Jesus to wrap his arms around us all, as I knew that what would happen beyond this point was all unknown to all of us. But not to Him.
I entered the delivery room and this was my scene, a warrior of a mother, about to have all of her questions answered. I paused, and I praised, again, for allowing me to be used in this way, for Him. For allowing me to freeze any moment they may have with her. I prayed he’d give me the strength and knowledge to know exactly what to capture and how to be there in that moment, while still allowing it to be their PRIVATE experience.
Amanda carried her baby to full term, because God allowed it.
Amanda was able to deliver her baby naturally, because God allowed it. She did so, surrounded by her husband, Dustin. Her mother, Tammy, and her sister Alyssia.
Amanda was able to hold her baby, because God allowed it.
She saw her eyes, and heard her cry, because God allowed it.
God had given them TIME. Something that they had no idea they’d get to enjoy.
Selah was born into the world to two of the most wonderful parents a baby could have. A mother who is a warrior, a light in a dark room, a testimony beyond words, and an inspiration. As well a father that is a supporter, a leader for his family, a lover, and a giver. I believe that Selah was made up of all of their best qualities, and that she was a beacon of faith. Selah had a sparkle in her eye, Selah had a sweetness to her coos, and cries, Selah was the epitome of sweetness. She had dark hair on her beautiful head. She was all things golden, and bright, and made you feel like sunshine just by being near her. Selah was many things. But above all, she was and always will be loved.
Selah was loved by 4 grandparents, a whole lotta aunts and uncles, 3 siblings, a crew of cousins and a whole world more. She was kissed, she was hugged, she was held, she was rocked, and she was prayed for.
A hospital room full of moms, dads, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, children, nurses, and still the one thing in the room that shined the brightest was their faith. Faith in the Lord. Faith that He had his hands on all of them. Faith that was large enough that it felt like those in other nations would feel it. Faith that could stop the waves, and crush the mountains. Faith that only a true lover of Christ would know.
We paused, over and over and over, and praised Him for the time they had with Selah here on Earth, and as Amanda and Dustin wanted it, her life’s ending was put completely in God’s hands. God welcomed her into his arms roughly three hours after Amanda brought her into this world. The room cleared and Amanda and Dustin prepared for the most heartbreaking “goodbye” they would ever have to say.
Lord, we will hold your hand in this darkness, as we know you're always reaching for ours. Lord, we will praise you in our confusion as we know you are never mistaken. Lord, we will trust that you are holding Selah in the most comfortable arms there are.
And when we think of this story, I hope that everyone is inclined to pause, and to praise. After all, that is what the name Selah means. Hand picked by her mother and father, in hopes that this would be the impression, that their sweet girl would leave on this earth.
There is more to this story, and more to the huge impact that such a little babe had on my life, and that will be shared, in time. For now, the birth story of Selah deserves it’s on own spotlight, with her lasting impact story to come, in due time.
Selah Marie Wilder
February 2nd, 2023
